On self-esteem

Although being affected by social, economical and cultural aspects; the basis for healthy self-esteem is fostered in early childhood. It is widely known that constant criticism can damage a satisfactory sense of self-worth. However, many ignore the fact that excessive praise; especially when directed towards transitory traits, such as beauty and intelligence, can also be harmful to the developing self-image.
A girl who is constantly admired and praised for her physical appearance might end up believing that her value lies on her looks and will probably face difficulties when confronted with aging. Nevertheless, even being able to correspond to social expectations, her beauty will not bring her any sense of security or self-love.  Likewise, a boy who is highly valued for his intelligence might feel threatened when unable to fulfill the expectations and will probably have anxiety towards his performance at school. He might spend his adult life trying to impress the others, showing off his wits, while feeling awkward deep inside.
It is in the mirror of their parents’ eyes that children see their value reflected. Inadvertently, many parents project their dreams and ideals on their children, trying to fit them into something they are not, being unable to value them for what their really are.  
It is of the utmost importance for parents to ponder their wish of the ‘ideal child’, so that they can understand which message is being transmitted to the child, one of appreciation or depreciation. If I want my boy to be a manly soccer player when he has the sensitive soul of a poet and is interested in musical instruments, I am not accepting, appreciating and valuing what he is in essence.
The individual must be given the chance and encouragement to develop his personal characteristics. However, that does not always happen. That is when psychotherapeutic aid seems to be necessary to allow the person to live a most fulfilling life.


          (Narciso by Caravaggio)

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